Time for Disjointed Rambling

I decided to do a little rambling, today. I've been thinking about how much my life has been disrupted by negative (fear-based) thinking.
I think a lot of it started in the 70's and 80's. I've never mentioned it here but I feel that my investment thinking has been warped by feeling that I had to acheive wealth due to believing that I had a series of one-night-stands with a variety of Hollywood starlets. This was probably a hallucination but I've spun my wheels trying to get the money that I would need to be good enough for them.
I was also trying to get out of the working class rut. I felt that I could make enough money trading commodities or options to be one of the 1% who everyone else works for.
I guess I'm still trying to get out of the rut with crypto-currencies. That seems to be working for now.
I've been willing to take great risks with money and I always avoided doing the hard work that might have made my schemes work.
One of the things I avoided is selling. Looking back, I feel that I might have made it if I had found a commission sales job. It's always better to get paid for what you achieve than for the time that you work.
That's covered in T. Harve Eker's books and seminars.
Talking about motivational speakers, I was watching Glendon Cameron today. In one of his vlogs on his YouTube channel, he said that the first step towards achieving wealth is commitment. You have to do what it takes to get wealthy with no excuses. I've always have been lazy. That's probably been a bigger problem for me than my mental illness.
Getting back to negative thinking and commitment, I feel that this prepping stuff I've been watching on YouTube has derailed my movement towards achieving wealth.
I've got close to $3000 invested in precious metals. If the economy doesn't collapse, what am I going to do with it? I'm not even sure that gold and silver will do any good in a collapsed economy.
I'm spending all of my money and time getting ready for the financial collapse and none towards becoming an entreprenior. That's what I should have done 30 or 40 years ago.
I was watching something about that Zuckerberg fellow. Appariently he bought a copy of a book on C++ programming about the same time that I bought one. The difference is that he followed through. I never did teach myself to program. The difference between the two of us is obvious. I doubt that I would be a billionaire by now but I think I would be doing better than I am had I really dug into it.
Oh well, go to Glendon Cameron's Youtube channel and get Eker's book. Maybe it's not to late for you.
Later,