Defending my Trip to California

I had a dream last night. I found myself defending my thinking in going to California.
Here are some of the points I made:

1. I felt that the currency was about to collapse and gold would be the only thing worth anything.
2. I could accumulate gold and not declare it on taxes.
3. I would be able to live on the claims that I have a right to be on.
4. I bought a membership to a club that has the rights to mine gold on over 60 claims in Northern California.
5. I bought a motor home so I could live comfortably in California.

My mistakes were:

1. Buying the membership; it's too expensive and I didn't use the mentoring help that it promised.
2. Buying the motor home. I never did get it running and it's too expensive anyway.
3. Living in Yreka; it's too far from the gold fields and I ended up renting an apartment that I couldn't afford.
4. I didn't get out to the claims enough. I wasn't expecting the 110 degree heat and the hard work.
5. I was just too broke to make it work, last year. I still am too broke.
6. I spent a lot of time going to Ashland, OR and spending money at the Starbucks.

Maybe I'll try again but it would be after I've got some money together and a motor home or trailer working.

Later

I've Been Meaning to talk about this for a while.

I think I've been watching too many negative YouTube channels.
Today I was convinced that silver had to break out because the guy who does the "Web bot" videos said it would happen, today.
Well, it didn't happen; in fact silver went down by about 20 cents. He shouldn't have gone so far out on a limb with his predictions.
I'm beginning to think that the people who are predicting the end of the economic system and that silver and gold will go through the roof don't know anything more than I do. And I'm really uninformed about this stuff.
I think they cater to the fear that is inherent in all of us. We are trying to be prepared for what is coming up. I think that fear for the future is normal for Northern European people. Since we are from a place with a bad climate we have centuries of preparing for a negative future. It's in our genes.
I think that is why I've always been a sucker for someone saying that the world's economy is about to collapse and we all have to stock up on food and silver in order to be ready for it.
That's why I buy silver options and stock up on food and guns.
I've been played for a fool. I could have saved an expensive trip to California when I was looking for gold. I'm paying for that now.
I think I just need a job, here and pay off my debts. If I forget about preparing for something I can't do anything about I'll have a lot more money for just living. That's the main thing, anyway.
I'm so poor that there is nothing I can really do to prepare for anything, anyway. After all I have to beg for food from a church just to get by on a monthly basis.
I'll just have to concentrate on getting along and forget all this preparation bs.
Later

I Would have thrown away $247 if I had it.

I was watching a webinar today.
It was one of my positive thinking things. Sonia Ricotti (I may be misspelling that name), interviewed a group of people who were telling me how to change my thinking and therefor my life. It was rather long and it really was good; there were a lot of good stories and a lot of insight.
Every half hour or 45 minutes they tried to sell a package of books and DVDs. It also included personal coaching for a couple of months.
It sounded good to me. I just don't have any money left after my trip to California.
It got me to thinking about how I'm always trying to get something for nothing; or in this case $247.
When you are poor you find yourself grabbing for any straws that appear. That's why most of the lottery tickets are bought by poor people. There really isn't much else that holds out the hope of breaking out of the working class rut.
That's probably why I ran off to California, last year. Yet another get rich quick scheme that bit me in the behind.
That leads me to talking about something that's been in the back of my mind for a few months.
Should I write off gold prospecting as another wild goose chase or should I continue to work towards going prospecting again.
It feels good to have something that I'm working towards; as in having a plan for my future. Gold prospecting fits in pretty well with my survivalist thinking.
In my future scenario for a future after the economic collapse, people will still be using gold for money. Therefor it would makes sense to have some. I could also be living way out in the "boonies" and be self-contained in my motor home.
The troubles are that I'm not young anymore and I don't get enough actual work done. I need someone to go with me. I spent too much money and I still don't have a way to do it any cheaper unless I live in a tent. If I don't find a job I may go back to California and live in my car and tent.
I was disappointed with how little gold there actually is to be found. I watch Youtube videos where people get all excited about finding little specs of gold. For me to be interested, I need to find some real quantities of the yellow metal. I have doubts that I'll ever find enough on those "played out" claims in Northern California.
Either way, I think I'll sell the motor home. It's just a giant "money pit" I don't know how much I've already spent on it and there doesn't seem to be any end to it. It's time to cut my losses.
I'll talk to Dan about unloading it as soon as I see him.
If I go back to California I can live in my van.
Well, it's time for a bite to eat and a refill on my coffee.
Later.

I Failed now I have to Suffer the Consequences

Yesterday I was talking with a loan officer about transferring the balance on one of my loans. He said that by his calculations I only have $25/month to live on.
I've got to do desperate things to get out of the hole I dug myself. Here is a list of measures I feel I need to take:

1. Get a job.
2. Sell the car.
3. Sell the motor home.
4. Sell my membership to the "New 49ers".
5. Sell the etchings. 

I haven't worked for more than minimum wage for the last 20 years or more, so there is no reason to feel that I'll find something that really pays. I'll just have to canvass the gas stations and McDonolds and see if anyone is hiring.
I'll have to wait on selling the car until I see that I don't need it for the job.
I could save more than $300/month by getting rid of the car. That includes gas and insurance as well as the payment. I could live on that.
Selling the motor home means giving up on the idea of living cheaply in a motor home. I was thinking I would just park it on claims and live for free. That's not happening. Motor home park spaces would probably cost as much as I'm paying for apartment rent anyway.
Giving up on gold prospecting probably makes sense. I didn't have the energy for it, anyway.
I'm still waiting to hear from Bonham's about whether they want to auction off my etchings. It's been over a month since I asked for an appraisal. It doesn't seem to be happening.
In desperation, I'm trying "Law of Attraction" manifesting. Tomorrow, I'm going to church to pray and find a practitioner to work for me. Nothing else has ever worked. It's worth a try.
Later,

I Haven't Posted for a While

I'm sorry that I haven't posted for  a while. I don't know why I haven't. I just got busy with other things like shoveling snow.
It's been a terrible year for snow removal. There just hasn't been much snow. I am making enough to pay my bills but I'll have to find some sort of job for after the snow season is over.
If I can make it through the next year I'll be in good financial shape. The expense of going to California to pan for gold put me into a bind.
Maybe I'll sell the van. That would get me out of the loan and I need something like a Jeep that I could tow behind the motor home, anyway.
A Jeep would be ideal since it has a stick shift transmission and I could use it better for "off road" traveling. Most of the places I drove around  in the mountains of California needed an off road vehicle.
That still leaves me with the problem of finding someone to go with me since I don't have the energy to actually work a claim. Raymundo said that he would go, if they shut down the school system and he wouldn't be able to teach Spanish. That seems unlikely, but it's progress. Nobody else has shown any interest at all in panning for gold.
I got a couple of laptops from my sister for Christmas. One worked right away but the other one is giving me troubles. When I first got it, the sound on the left speaker didn't work. I bought a couple of similar computers for parts. One of them, I got to working and it's better than the one my sister gave me. I'm going to keep it.
I'm going backwards on the computer my sister gave me. Now neither speaker works. The headset works fine. I think I'll get it running and give it away to Community Action. Joan (down there) finds homes for my computers. I can't sell them anymore. Laptops are just too cheap to sell and I have to give them away.
That's all for now.
Later

Catherine Austin Fitts Come out Against "Fear Porn" .

I was watching a lady named Catherine Austin Fitts being interviewed on one of the channels I watch on YouTube, tonight.
She came out strongly against "fear porn". She made the point that if everybody who watches that stuff just takes off to the mountains of Idaho to hide out, they are not being a threat to the establishment. We are just avoiding standing up to the evil which confronts us.
Not only that but we are using our money and energy just avoiding the fight rather than being involved in it.
In fact that might be just what our rulers would like us to do.
I think she might have a good point but I see little choice in the matter. Over 95% of the people are oblivious to what is going on and there is no way to get them to see things differently than how things are portrayed on mainstream media. I feel we are just beating a dead horse when we try to tell people the truth about what is going on. It's not worth the effort.
I'll still collect gold and silver and I'll stockpile food but I feel that a lot of my money and energy has been wasted in trying to get ready for something I just can't get ready for anyway.
I have a tendency to buy Bitcoins. It turns out that, that market is just as manipulated as any other market. I saw that today when Bitcoins gave up a day and a half worth of upward movement in just 5 minutes. I can't play that game.
Gold and silver keep going down in spite of a surge in demand for precious metals.
I'll keep buying them but I have to get my bills paid down, first.
I went deep into debt to go to California and then deeper into debt to come back.
I just can't afford being a prepper.
Of course, I'm fearful of the coming currency collapse but I can't afford to get ready for it in a meaningful way. All I can do is to get a month's worth of food and hope for the best.
I can't even afford a gun. I'll just have to hope that laws will be enforced during a collapse.
I've had it with spending all of my money trying to get ready for something that there is no way to prepare for anyway.
I have to spend the next 2 years or so just paying down debt.
Later

No Excuse

I have no excuse for not posting more often on my blog.
Maybe I'm a little despondent for not succeeding in my search for gold.
Maybe I'm a little concerned about my finances; or lack thereof.
For some reason I just haven't been keeping up the blog. I'm sorry.
Things are going pretty well. I made over $150 last week, shoveling snow.
This week there is nothing but good weather on the way. Darn it.
I'm moved into the new apartment. My stuff is stacked up but it's there.
The car is working. I had to replace the fuel pump but it's up, now.
There is work being done on the motor home. At least I got my stuff out and maybe Dan will get around to doing something with it.
I decided to keep the motor home. It fits with my survivalist thinking. And I may make another trip to California to look for gold.  That might take a year and a half.
On a different topic, I sent some pictures of my etchings off to a company named Bonham Auctions. They are in California. I'm waiting for an appraisal of my collection. Maybe I can have them auction them off. I might hear by next week. If they sell, that would solve my financial problems.
There are 2 other things I might sell:

1. The motor home. I think it fits with being a survivalist so I don't think I'll sell it.
2. The membership to the "New 49er's". That's the club I belong to to pan for gold. I could go elsewhere so it might make sense to sell it. Chris in Yreka might buy it on a time basis. 

I'm concerned about my finances after April. The snow will be gone but my bills won't be.
Later, I'll try to get back more often. Thanks