Why I don't blame myself for my poverty.

Throughout my life I've been taken to the cleaners by experts.
For at least the last 40 years I've been reading books by people like Harry Brown and Doug Casey, et. el. who have told me that I have to do certain things (like buy gold) to prepare for the inevitable economic collapse.
I've bought into it to varying degrees all along.
My spending money on highly leveraged, negative bets have been one of the main reasons I'm poor today.
Another major reason is that I've worked in electronics which doesn't pay enough for a person to get ahead. Maybe I should have sold insurance, real estate, or cars for a living.
I do think that something involving commission sales would have been better than trying to make a living on working by the hour.

About the losses due to my investments. I have always been in love with leverage. Leverage includes putting a small down payment on real estate to control a large holding. I've done fairly well with real estate.
Where I lose is with options and stock on margin; I guess I can now include bitcoin on margin.
Fear and greed always enter into my decisions when trading. Margin just amplifies that fear and greed since if you can make 3 or more times what you normally make due to margin; when it goes against you, you lose 3 or more times going down.
Options are even worse; but I love them because I can get in with very small amounts of money.
I always seem to lose.
There are several reasons for this:

1. My information sources are tainted. I'm trading on information that people feed me with the intention of cleaning me out. Even though I feel I'm using information that others ignore; I'm just being a sucker. 
2. I never get a good fill. The mechanics of trading is set up against the small guy. I'm dealing with high frequency traders who know how to cheat me and all the other small guys on a regular basis. 
3. I don't know how many times my money was being transferred for 3 days while the trade I wanted to make came and went. Having the use of your own money quickly is important to trade. 
4. I just don't have enough money. Everyone tells me this but what I have to work with is all that I have. My rich friends and relatives have always told me not to trade but they never tell me how to make more money which is essential to live a decent life. So there, ( I was thinking about using an obscenity but I won't). 

That was something I've been wanting to get off my chest for a while; now I can go back to praying for snow and looking for a real job.
The music is about to start at Java Johns.
I think I'll go home and try some different ways to fix the computer.
Later